The Time Warner Saga Concludes

Yes, the Time Warner Saga has, at long last, concluded. More or less. I hope. (If you missed the first, let’s see, SIX installments, dating back as early as September 2009, you can find them here, here, and here.) Over the past couple weeks, I (a) obtained a faxed estimate from my dentist as to the cost of a replacement retainer; (b) faxed this, in turn, to the TWC representative who came to inspect and photograph the damaged item and to take down my account of events; (c) received a call from TWC informing me that they would pay for 71% of the cost of replacing the retainer (“We can offer you X amount.” “Despite the fact that it will cost Y amount to replace?” “Yes, well… [muttering about how I can’t PROVE it was their technician who broke it. I guess they are 71% sure it was him though]”); (d) received another call to schedule tonight’s appointment for the rep to come give me a check and have me sign papers; (e) met with the rep, who was only 45 minutes late and who kindly called ahead to let me know that he would be late; (f) accepted the check and read over the statement I was to sign; (g) suppressed a massive coronary attack at the multiple, blatant, glaring, egregious spelling and grammatical errors on the one-paragraph document; (h) photographed the document, signed, and saw the rep on his merry way.

I’ve spent a few days at work recently going over a contract, so I am not unfamiliar with legal language. This has got to be, hands-down, one of the most garbled and senseless paragraphs I have ever seen in my life, and I HAVE READ JAMES JOYCE. (Sections of Ulysses, anyway, and they were easier to follow than this.) Sentence structure aside – it’s clearly a mess – the “UNERSIGNED”? “…and forever discharge IT’S parent…”? It’s the misplaced apostrophe there that nearly killed me. Out, out, damn spot! Begone with ye.

Apparently my explication on the correct placement of the apostrophe in the word “y’all” earlier today was just a warmup. (For those who weren’t in on that: “y’all” is a contraction made up of the words “you” and “all.” The apostrophe takes the place of the “ou” in “you” and therefore the correct spelling/punctuation is “y’all.”) (For the record, this explanation earned me the “most hilarious e-mail in the ‘sort of a dick move’ category” award.)

What I’ve been reading: The Ghost Map, Steven Johnson
What I’ve been listening to: Songs Without Words, Mendelssohn; Clarity and Stay On My Side Tonight, Jimmy Eat World; Hard Candy, Counting Crows; Gordon, Barenaked Ladies; songs from Parachute, Lost and Gone Forever, and Goldfly, Guster

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